


My Kim Possible

by SlothSpaghetti



Series: It's A Match! [3]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Blood, Daddy Kink, Deadpool level violence, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Francis is mentioned, Happy Ending, Injury refrence, Kinda?, Like I tried really hard with the smut here, M/M, Masturbation, Not sure why I mentioned that show at all tbh, Online Dating, Phone Sex, Piotr is a kinky fucker imo, Sexting, Size Kink, Spiderman is only mentioned, Straight crack fic, Texting, There just needs to be more Colossus fics, Tinder, and you fucking love it, deadpool is a bro, errors are my own, kim possible refrences, mutant!reader, not even sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:53:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25406464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlothSpaghetti/pseuds/SlothSpaghetti
Summary: You match with Piotr on Tinder thanks to NTW and Yukio. It goes from 0-110 real quick y'all.
Relationships: Piotr Rasputin/Original Character(s), Piotr Rasputin/Reader
Series: It's A Match! [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1816093
Comments: 6
Kudos: 113





	1. First Date... ish?

**Author's Note:**

> I have no regrets or shame for my love of kinky Piotr Rasputin.

“Weasel, you little cockslut, get me a drink,” I hollered as I stepped through the doors of Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children.

“Oh look, my favorite lady mercenary,” he deadpanned while pouring straight tequila into a pint glass. 

“Excuse you, I am your favorite. Full stop. Period. End of story.” I insisted, pointed a finger at him

A gunshot went off at the far end of the bar and shot off my finger. The initial shock didn’t register in my mind. Hot, molten pain seared as a dark green emerald started to form where my finger used to be. On the floor, my once flesh finger turned to ash and revealed an amethyst crystal. Only one dickbag would be bold enough to even raise a gun or hand to me.

Deadpool, aka my BFFL. 

“I’m not giving you the gemstone Wadey-poo.” I sang, picking up the new gemstone. 

I examined the clarity of the stone, decided it was Etsy quality at best, then tossed into the thigh pocket of my cargo pants. 

“You can be his favorite witch bitch, but I am the fave merc, Elphaba.” Wade holstered his gun as I saddled up next to him. He was wearing his suit, unsurprisingly, but had his mask turned up so he could drink his whiskey.

“Okay, baby,” I kissed his cheek and took my drink. “What brings you down here? Did you and Spidey have another fight?”

There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to numb the pain of crystalline regrowth, but it did give me a nice buzz if I drank it fast enough.

“He is upset because I had to unalive someone. That someone who was holding a knife to his throat, but still apparently that is ‘unacceptable and illegal’,” Wade sighed into his drink. “My baby boy is such a gay-straight arrow.”

“He is doing good things for ya Wade. I’ve seen the difference. You’ve been disgustingly happy since you started working together. It’s gotten so bad, that I downloaded Tinder.”

“WHAT?!” Wade and Weasel both stared at me. 

“Yes, it’s true, forever alone, resigned to be single as a pringle for all time mercenary me, has downloaded the most infamous dating app in an attempt to find dick and love.” I finished my drink and clinked my still growing emerald finger on the glass. “Just a Desperado this time my dude.”

“I am sure literally any of lovely patrons here would love to bone down with you,” Wade looked around at the nearly empty bar, Dopinder smiled and waved.

“I don’t want to date a merc, Wade. I’d like to pretend to be somewhat normal.” I explained. 

“Give me your phone. Who have you matched with so far? Let’s see who is available around here.” Wade made grabby hands at me until I tossed the phone to him. 

“Really a screen protector and a peach emoji phone case?” He teased.

“Yes, that was a fucking expensive phone.”

“We don’t need to see who is available here, do we? Let’s just see the guys you matched with.” Weasel wheezed.

“That’s a big ole nopety-nope good buddy.” Wade cackled.

“Swipe right on this mo-fo when he comes up. I need to know how he swiped on me.” I smirked at him.

“And it’s a match, you sexy little minx.” Wade waggled his eyebrows at the barkeep, while Weasel just groaned. 

“I need to stop letting my dick do the thinking.” 

“Yes, and though I find you to be more of a weird naked mole rat than a weasel, I am happy to be your Ron Stoppable.” I laughed, “I want my fucking Kim Possible though, so keep looking, Wade. What’s the dick sitch?”

“Oh my god,” Wade clutched his chest. “I think I’m having a heart attack.”

“Wade who have you found? Show me, show me, show me.” I ripped the phone from his hand. 

On the device was a literal man of steel. Hot fucking giant muscly steel. The fact that it was obvious his friend set it up for him was even better. I grinned like a maniac while I made a show of swiping right on those buns of steel. 

“You perverted dick-loving reader. So dirty.” I heard Wade whisper into space but paid him no attention. 

Near instantly I got the “It’s a Match” notification. Fist pumping into the air while Wade wined about the X-Men. 

I sent off a quick how-you-doing.gif of Joey and pocketed my phone. He was my Kim Possible. I’d decided. 

“So back to business bitches. Weasel, you got any jobs for me? Mommy needs some rent money.” I sipped my shitty beer.

“No, you haven’t got a card today.”

“You wanna do a job with me? It’s morally ambiguous and involves killing women.” Wade downed his whiskey.

“Yeah, I could for that. I need some new stock for my Etsy anyway.” I chuckled.

Any job with Wade led to me losing some amount of body parts. If it was a particularly rough job I could count on coming home with a bag filled with crystals. I never purposefully hurt myself. It was a big ole no-no with me. However, that didn’t mean I was averse to benefitting for the results of my mutation. Merc work paid well when I had the work, selling crystals or gemstones on the side was just to supplement the downtimes. 

“You beautiful little masochist,” Wade rubbed his hands together. “Jobs going down in 5 days. Let’s meet here at 15 hundred hours.”

“If you call me little again Wade, I will throw my diamond spiked hammer at your face.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Surprisingly enough, the next morning when I was making breakfast, I got a message from Piotr.

**Piotr-** Hello, I’m sorry you have been bothered by my trainees. 

**You-** Don’t worry about it big guy. Just nice to see another mutant on here. Too many regular joes just wanting to shout hate.

Not a lie, I had matched with a few homo sapiens on here and they were just… too bland and sometimes downright rude. Yeah, I wanted a sense of normality. Like coming home to something other than an apartment littered with unsold crystals and too many house plants. I was tired of ordering buckets for one at KFC damn it all. I wanted someone to eat with and shower with and do fucking cute domestic shit with before we fucked our brains out and kicked ass. Mercs just weren’t into that fluffy shit.

**Piotr-** You are a mutant?

**You-** Yeah, nothing to special, just an intense healing factor. 💎

I thought for a moment, considering Wade’s demands from yesterday.

**You-** Wade said to tell you he is not going to be an X-Men. He’s on the Avengers track with his BF now or something. I don’t know. 

**Piotr-** It is good to know he has found his place. How do you know Wade?

**You-** We were both acquainted with the super fun Francis, not at the same time, but 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

**You-** Listened to that Piano Concerto you had your profile btw. It was really good, not my normal taste, but still good. 

**Piotr-** I am glad you enjoyed it. It is one of my favorites for when I need a pick me up.

**You-** Hey, I gotta go eat breakfast and do some work. Text me here 😉 [PHONE NUMBER]

**Piotr-** Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Enjoy your day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the next 4 days, 13 hours, 8 minutes, and 32 seconds, I texted Piotr. NOT obsessively. I had a shit to do. But when I got the chance I’d send him a message, I would. I tried to keep things light, fun, and only slightly flirty. Wade had said Colossus was a walking pile of chrome dicks and was no fun. But I was finding him really engaging, and fucking gentlemanly. His manners were impressive, to say the least. He was like a fucking duke. 

And christ above, don’t even get me started on his voice. I didn’t think I had a thing for accents, cause Francis’s British accent just sent me into a rage any time he opened his stupid mouth, but who boy howdy. Piotr’s Russian accent was *chefs kiss* perfection.

“Okay, I’m going on a job with Wade. I’ll text ya after. Let’s hang out or something if you’re free.” I smiled into my phone while I walked into the bar.

“Don’t do anything too dangerous Lisichka,” Piotr sighed into the phone before hanging up.

I slipped my phone into tactical cargo pants and stared at Wade, Weasel, and Dopinder. They just continued to stare at me. 

“What?” I finally gave in to their incredulous looks.

“I’ll text ya after?” Wade mimicked my voice.

“Yes bitches, I have found my Kim Possible. He’s a mutant, he’s jacked, and he’s interested in this fine piece of ass.”

“I can’t even with this right now, it’s like your canoodling with the enemy.”

“Let’s get this job over with Wade. I wanna have a hot date tonight,” I whined at them. 

“Okay, so here is the score…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fuck Wade Wilson. Fuck Wade Wilson right to hell. When I got the fuck out of this mess, I’m gonna find a way to kill him. I swear it on his stupid, dumb ass, fucking, piece of shit, ass. 

The job was just supposed to be taking out a group of middle-aged moms selling drugs to teens. Should have been easy. I should have been taking stock of all the new crystal I got from being fucking shot in the stomach. (Oh yeah, that’s a thing, when I get shot in the stomach, I vomit crystals.) I should have been dolling my pretty face up to go on my first date with Piotr. 

I should not be chained up in a fucking basement, stripped to my skivvies, and having my fucking eyeballs ripped from my skull. Yet here I was, screaming and wailing because no amount of torture can ever prepare you for that. I didn’t even get a good look at this cock gobblers. 

They apparently didn’t think the eyes were good enough. My world was dark, but I knew the sound of a chainsaw when I heard one. I tried to prepare myself, but it was never enough. 

There goes my foot. Oh, that’s my calf. Fuck that one was above my knees. I just wanted to pass out. I wanted the ability to not remember any of this. But that’s a healing factor y’all. It won’t let me. My body is working at maximum effort as Wade would like to say. 

Speaking of Wade, I hope his regenerate piece of shit face was ready to be ripped off.

“Stop talking you stupid cunt,” I heard a man shout over the chainsaw. 

Was I talking out loud? I must have been because soon there is a knife in my mouth and my tongue was cut out. I started choking on the blood and gems. I leaned forward and just let the disgusting mess fall from my mouth. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t speak, and pretty soon I was sure they’d take my ears as well. That’s how it went, yeah? See no evil, speak no evil, then hear no evil?

I heard the sound of gunshots and bullets being ricocheting off metal. I couldn’t focus on any one sound. Sensory deprivation was not at all calming! Every little sound made me flinch and every movement just made the fire of my healing factor burn hotter. I stopped trying to listen. I was still chained to a fucking wall, so what the point? 

“Holy fucking shitballs.”

WADE. It was Wade. I screamed. Or at least I thought I did. I couldn’t’ really tell what kind of sounds I was making sans tongue. I felt my chains be yanked free. Suddenly cool metal was wrapped around my shoulder and under my 1.5 legs. 

Someone better fucking grabbing all the god damn gemstones left behind. I was not going to left empty-handed from this nightmare. 

I gripped onto the metal holding me, so gently and with such care. It must be a person. I couldn’t focus enough to try and deduce who it could be. Everything hurt. My skull was on fire. 

“Wade, we need to go. Now.” The person holding me shouted. They had a nice voice. Especially when they were angrily shouting at Wade. 

“You clearly haven’t talked about little Hordak’s obsession with runestones. She would kill me if I left them.” Wade gave a nervous laugh. 

When was Wade ever nervous? At least he was being a good little boy for once in his fucking life. There better be some good shit here. 

“Let’s get to the jet. She needs medical attention.”

“Yeah, I didn’t peg her for a screamer. How fun for you big guy.” 

“Wade.”

Next thing I know I’m feeling the pressure in my ears and strangely my reforming eyeballs build. The jet that I’ve been put in must be taking off. Where was I that had space for a fucking jet? We were in the city last time I checked. God, why can’t I see? I need my eyes. 

Piano music began to fill the jet. I recognized that melody. It’s the song that was Piotr’s tinder profile. Christ, he’s probably worried I hadn’t texted him. He was the worrying sort. I had worked that out so far. Fuck I can’t even think of how long I was in that basement. Maybe only a few hours? Was it longer? I try to make the motion of writing, hoping Wade can see me. 

“Oh, she’s gaining some lucidity. I got you, sweet cheeks.” Wade shouted, then ran about the jet based on his heavy footfalls.

A notepad and some kind of soft writing utensil were placed in my hand. Most important message first. 

“Kill Wade.” He read out., “that’s not very nice.”

I wrote out a second message.

“Gems? Yeah, I got you a fucking bag load. Some real beauties,” He put on an Aussie accent for that one.

Last message before I went back to focusing on healing.

“Text Piotr, I’m fine. Can’t hang.” Wade’s voice got a bit squicky, “Oh I texted him all right. And he deffo knows you aren’t fine. I’m surprised he didn’t throw up all over you. When I killed Francis he barfed for a good 2 minutes. I didn’t even know his stomach could hold that much.”

I made a garbling, squawking sound and tapped furiously the pad in my hand to regain his attention. 

“WTF!” Wade readout, “I needed back up. You really like got 'got' and I knew he’d help you.” 

“Kill me.” He read out again, “Now I’m not gonna do that. One cause you can’t die, but also cause Spidey and I are finally back on track. I had to promise to only maim people. You know how much I love to un-aliving people.”

“How fucked do I look?” Wade took a moment to respond to that, “Like zombie fetishist nightmare.”

I dropped the writing utensil. My Kim Possible saw this shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

At a bit of rough turbulence, I was jostled to the point of screaming pain, but it didn’t last long. And soon after that, we were landing, which was way more painful. Why does everything hurt more when I can’t see? 

Next thing I know, I was being strapped down. There were more voices that weren’t Wades. Fighting was futile, but I punched out and hit something hard anyway. More pained screams rip from my lips, I definitely broke my hand. Fuck I hated reforming broken bones. 

“Lisichka please hold still. We are going to give you something for the pain.”

That was Piotr’s voice. That’s what he had started calling me during our first phone call when I had called him to ask about some gardening thing I can’t even remember now. He had said he liked gardening and I almost immediately called him to talk about plants. Which are probably gonna die if I don’t get home. 

I felt the needle pierce my skin and then I didn’t feel anything. 

“Jesus, how much did you give her?” Wade shouted.

“You said she had a fucking healing factor like yours, I gave her enough so she wouldn’t metabolize it so fast.” Who was this gruff dude?

“Take her to the medical bay. She needs cleaning up. NTW tell the professor. Yukio go with her.” Piotr was barking orders. 

Oh, these were good drugs. I felt great all now. Piotr can keep barking orders at me like that. Who boy! 

Everything was way too hot, but not in the normally burning sense. It was like taking a lovely nap on the beach. 

“She’s burning up, is it normally like this?” It’s the gruff voice again.

“I don’t fucking know Cable. I can’t read minds.” Wade hissed, like a cat. 

I must have laughed at that. Or whatever sound laughter makes when you don’t have a tongue. 

“She is higher than kite if she thought that was funny.”

Something cool is pressed onto my forehead and I just sighed. It felt so good in the summer beach sun. It would have been better if I could have gone swimming. There was more coolness around my face and then down my body. Maybe I had jumped into the water. If I had I should get out because I was getting very sleepy...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everything was on fire again. There was something covering my eyes. I needed to see. I clawed at the covering until I could open my eyes. My vision was a kaleidoscope. There was no focusing, only fractured shapes and colors. I opened my mouth and felt my tongue again. 

“PRAISE FUCKING CHRIST ALIVE,” I shouted and tried to get up. 

I immediately fell. My leg hadn’t regrown yet. The crash was only made louder by the heavy sound of the crystal hitting tile. It appeared to be some sort of purple color. I grit my teeth and hobbled to my feet. Why was I connected to wires? I needed to get out of here, goodbye wires. That caused machines to start going off and beeping. I lurched towards the door out and into an immaculate looking hallways. Everything was wood or at least brown. 

“Shit, she’s awake. Cable get the drugs.” Wade was here. Why was Wade here? Oh well. It would be easier to kill him now. 

“WADE YOU’RE A DEAD FUCKER.” I screamed at the flashing red figure. 

“Drugs, drugs now, I just fixed this suit.” He demanded. 

“Please calm down, there is no need for violence.” Black and silver filled my vision, “Please go back and lie down. You are still healing Lisichka.”

I tried to focus on Piotr. He was right, I needed to be at top health performance to kill Wade. He picked me up like it was nothing. If I were a swooning lady, I would have swooned then. 

“I like her Colossus, we should keep her.”


	2. A Morning Cap

You slept through the rest of the day and night after Cable administered more pain killers. Wade had finally left the mansion to go on patrol with some Spiderman person after that. Piotr was just glad the man has gone, he clearly agitated you. Wade was the reason you were in such a state, to begin with. That infuriated Piotr. He’d demanded Wade explain what had happened and how you could have just been snatched off the street without putting up a fight. Apparently, you’d been shot in the stomach. What on earth were you doing for that to happen? 

Piotr sighed and walked towards the room you were in. He felt secure not being in defense mode now that Wade was gone and his trainees were still asleep. You would need to eat. You needed your strength to keep healing.

The door to the medi-room was open. Not a good sign. He did not need you wandering about the X-Mansion and possibly falling or waking the other residents. Most of them were not the morning person he was.

“Sorry, I couldn’t open the window, so I opened the door.” You were sat up in bed looking no worse for wear than if you had just had a bad night’s sleep. 

“No apology necessary. That is fine. Would you like me to open the window?” Piotr asked.

You gave him a look, “Piotr?”

“Da,” he grinned.

“I can’t decide if metal you is hotter or not. Also, your voice is a bit different.” You smiled at him. 

He felt a blush spread across his cheeks. Now is not the time to act like a schoolboy.

“How are you feeling, Lisichka?” He asked, jerking the window open.

“Like shit, but once I get home, water my babies, and eat something I’ll be feeling 110% again.” You smiled at him.

“110%?” Piotr questioned.

“Yeah, I was raised in a ‘give it your all, all the time, and then some’ kinda house.”

That struck something in Piotr. Something about the way you half laughed your response and shook your head like you were recalling a sad memory.  _ Give it your all. _

“Do you want to have breakfast with me? I know a very nice diner.” Piotr went for it. 

“Yes!” You rushed the words out, nearly shouting. You threw the blankets off and realized you were only wearing a hospital gown. 

You were so tiny. Piotr towered over you. He had carried you into this room twice before, but now he really understood how small you were. Yes, he was 6’6ft when he wasn’t in defense mode, but he guessed you were barely 5 ft tall. That was definitely doing things to him. Like making him think about grabbing things on high shelves for you and how your tiny hands would feel wrapped around his cock. 

“Did Wade leave any clothes here for me?” You asked, pulling him from his increasingly dirty thoughts. 

Piotr cleared his throat, “Yes when we picked him up to go get you, he had a bag for you with him.” He pointed to the bag across the room next to the bathroom.

“Yeeeaaahhhhh,” you dragged out the word before walking backwards to the bag. “Sorry about all that. Was totally supposed to be an easy job. But for a group of middle-aged ladies, they had a shitload of guns. Even Wade was impressed.”

Piotr noticed a flush on your cheeks then. Right, he should go now so you could get changed. He cleared his throat again and left to get his shoes and car keys. He needed to calm down. It wasn’t appropriate to be having such thoughts about you when he wasn’t even sure if you wanted to have a relationship with him. It also wasn’t appropriate from him to be calling you Lisichka, his little fox, but he hadn’t stopped himself during the first phone call and you seemed to like the name. 

It was a pet name he felt really fit you. He could tell you were extremely mischievous. You’d said you and Wade got on like house on fire, which just provided further proof to his assumption. He could also tell you were curious and friendly and feisty. Any time you had a question, and he didn’t know the answer, you were Googling the question. Reading through pages of information and tell him the interesting bits. He could listen to you chatter on for hours about anything he’d decided. 

When he returned to the medi-room, the door was still closed. After another few minutes of waiting, he knocked on the door. You peaked you head out, looked up at him with flushed cheeks.

“You wouldn’t happen to have like a t-shirt you could loan me? Wade thought it’d be funny to give me my regular pants, but a mesh shirt. Doubt it would fit the school dress code.” You huffed out a nervous laugh.

“Hmm, sounds like Wade,” Piotr rolled his eyes before he could stop himself. “Give me a moment and I’ll have a clean shirt for you.

So what if he now wanted to know why you owned a mesh top and what you looked like in it? He was a healthy guy. He could admit his desires. 

And so what if rather than getting you a shirt from the communal extra clothes drawer next to the medical bay, he instead gave you one of his clean t-shirts? He was also curious, and he also enjoyed learning new things. New things like even his most fitted t-shirts looked more like a dress on you than a shirt. You didn’t seem to mind though, you simply pulled the garment on over the mesh top you wore, rolled the sleeves up to make a kind of sleeve top, and tucked the front of the shirt into your cargo pants. 

Yes, Piotr noticed that you wore cargo pants. He liked their practicality and the way they fit your curves.

“All right, where is my bag?” You asked.

“What bag?” He returned.

“The bag of crystals. I’m not leaving them here. That’s gotta be like 6 months rent worth of stones.”

“Oh, they are with Nathan. It was decided that Wade couldn’t be trusted with them after he started trying to pierce his ears with one of the larger ones.”

“Who is Nathan?”

“He’s probably in the kitchen with your stuff now if you wanna meet him.” Piotr stepped away from the room and started to lead you down the hall. 

“Hmm, looks much nicer here now that I’ve got my eyes all the way back. Everything is crystal clear.” You giggled at your own joke, and Piotr just smirked.

Nathan was sat on a barstool in the kitchen. He was examining a crystal with his cybernetic eye. 

“You should take a lady to dinner first before you to stare at her that’a way,” You scowled at him.

“And you shouldn’t punch people trying to help you either.” Nathan retorted.

“Hey, when you’re eyeless and someone is trying to grab you, I’ll let you lecture me.” You grabbed the stone from his hand.

“It’s not even a good one dude. Just some opal,” you took the stone and bag from him.

“Touche, I guess,” He grunted.

You continued to ruffle through your large bag, taking stock of the huge amount of stones Wade had picked up for you.

“Here, take this sapphire and buy yourself something pretty.” You handed the older man a stone the size of a plum.

“What the fuck?” Nathan muttered, not waiting to pocket the gem in his fanny pack.

“Now, I believe I was promised breakfast?” you raised any eyebrow in Piotr’s direction.

“Da,” He smiled and motioned behind you, “Garage is that way. We’ll take my car.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Piotr was almost 110% certain he was in love. Beyond your generally adorable tininess and attitude, you ate enough to rival him. And honestly, where was all that food going? 

He watched as you dunked your last piece of toast into a fried egg. Apparently the best part of an egg was yolk on toast. The rest of it was unnecessary. 

“Since Wade was kind enough to steal my wallet and I can’t pay in gems, I’m gonna have to leave the bill to you today Petey. Just means I’ll have to get the check for the second date.” You smiled at him. 

Like he would let you pay for a meal on a date. 

Wait. You were considering this a date. Like an actual date, not just a friendly, humoring him as he helped save you, thank you meal. He was falling hard. 

Piotr cleared his throat, “It is definitely not a problem. I am more than happy to buy you breakfast.”

“That is the one true path to my heart.” You laugh as you finish your breakfast.

“Breakfast or buying you things?” He teased.

“Definitely breakfast.” You beamed. 

“Duly noted.”

When the waitress came over to refill your coffee mugs, he asked for the check and then you were off to your apartment. You did not live in a very nice area. A blind person could have seen that. Several shops were boarded up and homeless people lingered in the alley. If he were you, he’d be armored up all the time and constantly on guard. You directed him down an alleyway and into a small courtyard of dumpster. 

“I don’t live in a dumpster,” You blurted out when you caught him staring.

“This doesn’t seem like the nicest area, Lisichka,” His voice was tinged with worry.

“I know what you mean, I caught a group of guys trying to shoot up heroin over there the other day.” You pointed to your left. “But the rent on this place is crazy cheap compared to an apartment and the space is huge and because it’s technically zoned as a warehouse, I can double use the space for the crystal business.” 

“What? Did you say live in a warehouse?” Piotr was shocked.

“Technically yes, but you need to come up and really see this place. It’s great. I didn’t even have to threaten the landlord to let me live here he was so desperate for cash.”

Piotr gave you a look like he didn’t believe, but he followed you into an industrial lift. On your floor, you wrenched open the gating and unlocked the door. 

It was like walking into a jungle. You had plants everywhere and the space was immense. Tucked away in the far corner were a kitchenette and a small table with two chairs. He slowly assessed the space, taking stock of a very large quantity of stones littering the coffee table next to the massive couch. Massive even by his own standards. Next to a wall of half-opened windows was an unmade bed stacked on wood palettes. 

“Could I offer you a morning cap?” You asked, weaving your way around the forest of hanging plants. 

“Sure, Lisichka,” He grinned, happy you still wanted to spend time with him. 

“You have a lot of gems,” Piotr commented when you came back with a steaming mug of coffee.

“Yeah, I need to update my Etsy. The crazy crystal woo woo community can’t get enough of them,” you smirked.

“Do you sell all of them?” He asked, trying to be conversational, but also dying to ask you a different question. 

“If I get one that is like really amazing, I keep it, but I normally just sell them all.”

“Then why do you do jobs with Wade?” He was just avoiding the question burning his tongue now.

“I’ve known Wade since the whole Francis shit, so when he asked me to help with jobs and stuff it wasn’t like I could say no. He’s like family. I was there with through all the Vanessa shit, and he’s gotten me through some pretty rough shit too.” You crossed your arms. 

She’s uncomfortable. That is what that body language means. Change the subject. 

“How do you get your Areca Palm to grow so big?” Piotr latched on the first plant he could remember the name of.

“Lots of steroids and love,” You laughed, wandering towards it and stroking the leaves. 

Piotr abandoned his coffee on a nearby table covered with a large Aloe plant. He walked over to you and pretended to examine the plants. He was desperate to ask his question. 

“I don’t hurt myself to get the crystals,” You stared at a particularly new palm sprout. “I can tell you are dying to ask me.”

“I-I-I,” he spluttered for a moment, “Yes, but I did not want to intrude. What you do with your powers is your business.” 

“I’m pretty pain averse. It’s horrible growing those stupid things.” You paused, “I used to just keep them, I’ve moved twice with boxes filled with them. When I started working with Wade I got into trouble a lot and I was so concerned about someone bad guy benefiting from them or some freak figuring out what I could do, so I just hoarded them. Then when Wade decided I was ready to go solo, I didn’t have the client list or reputation that he did, so money got really tight. I had to just start selling them. They normally don’t hold any meaning to me anyhow.” 

He wanted to comfort you. Your voice had gone all soft and quiet. Like you whispering some kind of secret to him. 

“Lisichka,” He started, hands twitching at his side.

“Well, now that the history lesson is done, why don’t we turn back to our regularly scheduled program?” You looked up at him with a gleam in your eye, no longer wishing to discuss you.

“And what program would that be?” He smiled softly, happy to follow your lead for the rest of the conversation.

“The one where I knock your socks off with my great kissing.”

Piotr blushed. He was a grown man, but he blushed anyway. You were dragging him back to the oversized couch. It was softer than he thought it’d be, not that he had much time to think on the subject. As soon as he was fully seated you climbed into his lap. Even lounging against the back of the couch, you had to stand tall on your knees to be eye level with him. He settled one hand on your hip. He held in a groan at how much surface area his palm covered. 

Piotr did not hold in his groan when you pulled at the short hairs at the base of his neck to get his attention. He had been staring at your hip. Completely entranced. You smirked at him before crushing your lips against his. Both of your hands were in his hair, scratching his scalp when he nipped at your bottom lip. 

The little sound you made when he did it again was enough to make him want you to take you right there. He plunged his tongue into your mouth; exploring and tasting. His thumb was rubbing slow circles into your hip, while his free hand moved to comb through your hair. You were starting to move your hips his stomach. Piotr, for the briefest moment, thought about stopping. This was your first date. He was a gentleman, and he didn’t want things to progress to fast for either of you.

Then he remembered that you were sat in lap, grinding your hips in an attempt to get an amount of friction. He let his hand on your hip slide to cup your ass and pull you down and closer. Now you could grind on his very hard cock straining against his jeans. You let out the most gorgeous whimper at this. 

You broke the kiss then. Your plump, wet lips stretched into a smile, while you stared at him. Piotr felt your hands smooth down his front, caressing his chest and torso before landing on his belt. You hesitated then like you were waiting for him to say yes.

When he was about to give a very enthusiastic, consenting yes, there was a loud crash across the room. He immediately went to defense mode, ready to protect you from an intruder. Your gasp when he shifted sounded more aroused then concerned for your safety.

“Marnie Piper, did you escape the X-Losers?” Wade shouted, walking around a wall of plants.

“Get out Wade,” You ground out, removing your hand from Piotr’s belt.

He gasped when finally looked at you on an armored Colossus’s lap.

“Really my lil Hordak, you are putting out so early?” He tsked.

Piotr didn’t see where you’d pulled a ninja throwing star from, but before he could stop you’d launched it at Wade. He tried not to laugh because violence isn’t funny and he’d seen enough blood for the rest of his life when they’d found you.

“Lisichka, it’s fine,” he lifted you off his lap, carefully to let go of your waist only once you were stable on the ground.

“It’s definitely not fine being cock blocked by that overripe avocado.” You grumbled. 

“Next time,” He nodded and kissed you goodbye before leaving you to deal with Wade. 


	3. A Very Long Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is basically all smut

Piotr is a kinky fuck. 

Boom.

Take all your preconceptions about romantic, gentlemanly, prudish Piotr Rasputin, and shove them where the sun don’t shine.

If I thought him being a literally giant was hot, he was obsessed with how short I was in comparison. He loved that his hand could engulf both of mine. His eyes would  **_dilate_ ** every time I touched his arms or chest. He literally fucking growled the first time he touched my hips. 

I also know he is a kinky fuck because our second date still wasn’t over. It started Friday night, and it was now Sunday afternoon. 

We’d been “dating” for a few months now. But our schedules hadn’t lined up right for us to have a second physical date until now. No matter how many suggestive or just plain x-rated messages or pictures I sent him, he refused to sext me back. When I asked if I’d gone too far after a particularly raunchy picture, he’d responded that he was completely fine with receiving those messages, in fact, he said and I quote “please keep sending them Lisichka, they make my night”, but that he didn’t want to send me any in response because he knew that teasing me that way would be more fun. Because he could tell how much more frustrated it made me not knowing what he’d do, how he’d respond, to not have the answer to my burning questions. 

And fuck him for being such a tease by the way. Even when I’d escalated it a step further and called him during a very steamy round with me and Mr. Big Blue Brand New Dildo, his tone was even, almost nonchalant, until the end. 

“Lisichka, how are you?” He answered.

“Fuck-” I gasped, just hearing him was enough to make me wanna cum. “I need your cock Daddy.” 

Yeah, that’s right. I’d started calling him that. You all know I’m right. He’s 100% Daddy material. And he didn’t say no, so I hadn’t stopped. 

“Are you free on Friday night?” He asked, seemingly unphased.

“Yes,” I moaned, pushing the sex toy deeper, imagining it was Piotr.

I was free any night. I’d clear my schedule for the next month if it meant getting to see him. I was too fucking desperate now.

“Then it’s a date.”

“That doesn’t help me right now,” I whined. I was being a brat, and I didn’t care.

There was a soft click of a door shutting on his end and then a lock switching. 

“You need to be patient Lisichka.” Was he even frustrate at all by my porno mouth?

“Daddy, please,” I whined, still fucking myself.

“What are you doing right now?” He asked like I wasn’t a mess the phone.

“I bought a new toy and it came into today. I wanted,” I groaned when I hit the sweet spot, “to break it in.”

“What did you buy?” I could have answered mashed potatoes and our tones would have been more closely matched in blandness.

“It’s an 8in blue dildo.” I moaned. 

“Why did you get that?”

“Mmmnn, wanted to practice for you Daddy, Wanna be a good girl.” 

“How do you know you got the right size?”

Fuck, could he be bigger than that? Did he literally have a monster cock? I needed to know, but I was so close. He wasn’t even talking dirty to me. Piotr was going to ruin me.

“Fuck, I’m close.” I moaned, spending more time rubbing circles around my clit than thrusting.

“Stop Lisichka.”

“No,” I whimpered.

“Yes, you need to be patient.”

“And if I don’t?” I had totally not stopped. I wanted a fucking orgasm.

“Then I will punish you on Friday night. You are going to cum on my cock or not at all.” He stated with sincerity and conviction that sent a shiver through me.

My hands actually stopped at that. Shocked and more aroused than I had been that whole time.

“You’re a fucking tease, Daddy,” I shuddered into the phone.

“See you on Friday at 7 pm Lisichka. Wearing something nice,” he said before just hanging up the phone.

I felt keyed up and strung out all at once for three days. I got waxed, I dry cleaned the once nice dress I owned, and I used my expensive lotion so my skin was extra soft in preparation for our date. Piotr came up to my apartment to pick me up but didn’t give me much more than a quick peck on the lips before pulling me into the elevator to leave. He had a huge grin on his face when looked down at me. 

“I am really glad to see you again,” he said. “You look beautiful.”

“What can I say? I clean up good.” I smirked, trying to be casual. “You do as well. I can’t wait to see those clothes on my floor later.”

And that pals, is basically as sexual as we got. At the restaurant, Piotr was the perfect gentleman. He pulled my chair out for me, selected an excellent wine, even paid for it all despite the fact I’d said I would. The meal had been absolutely luscious and I was ready to pass out in a food coma, post-coital cuddle puddle. 

Piotr on the other hand turned into a feral fucking animal the moment my door to the lift was closed. My shoes were still on when he lifted me up, his hands firm closed around my ass. I melted into him. All tongue and teeth, there was no gentlemanliness in the room now. Every single noise he made just made me wanna cream my jeans then and there. I wasn’t even wearing jeans. 

I only realized he’d walked us over to the bed when I was dropped on to it. There was a fire raging behind his dark eyes. And I wanted to get burned. 

Piotr locked eyes with me as if to ask if everything that was happening was okay before going forwards. I was more than fucking ready.

“Daddy, please,” I whimpered.

Now was not the time for teasing. It was time to give me 110% for fuck’s sake. But Piotr had other ideas. He took great care in removing and setting aside my shoes, before running his hands achingly slow up my legs. Strong hands pulled me into a seating position, while he kneeled at the edge of the bed. The zipper on the back of my dress clicked over each tooth, his breath hot against my neck while he undressed me at a glacial pace. 

My hands fumbled with the buttons on his white dress shirt. I needed skin on skin contact. I was more than tempted to rip open his shirt. He must have sensed my urgency.

“Lisichka, slow down. We are in no rush,” He kissed my neck.

“You are in no rush,” I groaned, pushing off his jacket and shirt in one go, revealing a white vest instead of skin. 

Any other time, that sight would have conjured beautiful dirty images for me, but right now it was just another barrier in my way.

“That is because I’m going to savor taking your apart, teasing you, and punishing you for frustrating me for months,” he growled into my ear before biting the lobe. 

I moaned like a fucking whore, “yes.”

“Yes, what?” He asked, latching on to my neck.

Oh, there was my kinky fucking Kim Possible. 

“Yes, Daddy,” I whimpered when he bit down. “Want you to ruin me.”

Piotr pushed the front of my dress down, forcing my arms away from his hair and shoulders. I lifted my hips up and let the garment be pulled off. He carefully folded the dress and set it on the floor. I stared at him, watched those big strong hands fold my dress with grace. Piotr stood up, devouring me with his eyes. There was a fat smirk on his face. I’d worn a bright neon pink lingerie set under the dress to ya know, make a big statement. It glowed against my skin and the dim light from the street outside. The lacy material was thin and see-through. 

“How much do you like those?” He toed off his shoes and rested his hands on his belt.

“I wouldn’t miss ‘em,” I stared at his hands still, licking my lips. Sweet anticipation making me jittery.

Is a hand kink of thing? Cause if so, I definitely had one. I was mesmerized by Piotr undoing his belt and trousers. He folded up his pants, picked up his shirt and jacket, and draped them over the couch. My eyes followed his every muscle movement. How his skin stretched and strained as he bent over and went about this ridiculously mundane task. 

Still dressed in his boxer briefs and vest, he came back to the bed and scooped me up like I weighed nothing. He settled us in the middle of the mattress. There was no tension, no rushing now. We just stared, eyes glazed with lust. He leaned down to kiss me and I met him halfway. It was soft, tender, and the complete opposite of the earlier kiss. I was melting all over again, but for a different reason. 

There was so much emotion in that one kiss. I was actually concerned I would just blurt out that I love him then and there. 

“Tell me if anything becomes too much, Lisichka,” He murmured breaking the kiss.

“Of course, Piotr,” I sighed as he ran his thumb over my cheek. 

He kissed me again with more lusty intentions this time. His lips left searing hot marks in a column down my neck. God, I wished I didn’t have a healing factor. For a short time, there would be a fucking sexy line of hickey’s down my neck. I’d have to take a picture if I wanted to remember them. His mouth continued to move across my collar bone, then down my chest. Fuck that hot, wet mouth. Teeth teased and bit at my covered nipples. It wasn’t enough skin. 

“Just fucking rip it off already.” I gasped, grinding my hips against his hard stomach. “I need more.”

There was a dark chuckle and then the sound of cheap lace snapping. 

“Christ, I wanna make that my new ringtone,” My chest heaved, finally free. 

I looked at Piotr, his pupils were blown and he had a knowing smirk on his face. He continued to mark me with bites and hickeys. I was writhing, sweaty, mess when he finally reached my dripping sex. He cursed in Russian and his hot breath sent a chill through my soaked panties.

“Like what you see Daddy?” I teased. 

He growled and the apartment was again filled with the sound of cheap lace being ripped. No teasing now, Piotr tossed my legs over his shoulders and dove in tongue first.

Wade was right, I was a screamer. That was news to me. The simmering heat of desire in me just erupted when he started to suck on my clit. Fuck me that is how I wanted to die. His mouth was a fucking masterpiece. I was clenching around nothing and begging for more. Anything to not feel empty. I tugged at his hair, but just threw his massive, muscular arm over my hips and held me down. 

“Fuck, Fuck, I’m close Daddy,” I moaned, ready for the sweet release that had been building in me for days.

“Not yet,” Piotr growled, taking his mouth off my clit.

Did I say I was a mess before? Because by the time my begging finally got the damn skin on skin, P in V, I needed, I was sobbing. The edging was driving me actually insane. I’d lost count of the number of times his mouth and fingers had brought me the summit only to stop and bring me back down. My sheets were ruined.

Finally, FINALLY! Piotr removed the last of his clothes and my eyes went straight to his dick. I felt my jaw went slack. 

Holy shit, mother of god, praise Cthulhu. 

Monster dick indeed.

“Like what you see, Lisichka?” He smirked, giving himself a quick tug kneeling between my legs.

“If you don’t put that in me right now, I might die,” My eyes flicked up to his and then back to his cock. 

“Do you think you’ve been a good girl?” His accent was thick and heavy.

I whimpered when he teased my hole with his tip, sliding it through my folds and against my over-stimulated clit. If my eyes could roll any further into my skull they would have. I threw my head back. 

“Yes, please Daddy, I need you, fuck I need you inside me, want you to cum inside me, I want you to ruin me for anyone else, only want you, Daddy, wanna be your good girl, please, please, please,” I begged and grabbed at his thighs trying to pull him into me. 

It was near-instant. Both of my hands were pulled over my head by one his while his other hand steady held my hip still. In one swift thrust, Piotr’s hips met mine. I’m not ashamed to say I came just from that. It felt fucking perfect. Like we were meant to be. 

I had a lusty blackout after that, my memory a bit fuzzy. The sound of skin slapping and my porno mouth filled the apartment until the wee hours of the morning. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Nooooooooo,” I whined from where I laid naked on the couch.

“I have to go back to the mansion Lisichka, I have to prepare for teaching tomorrow.” Piotr pulled his pants for the first time in days.

“Fuck responsibilities,” I reasoned. 

“You know I won’t do that.”

“Then fuck me instead and stay,” I rolled off the edge of the couch and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“You act like we are never going to see each other again.” He pried my arms away.

“What if we don’t?” I dramatically tossed my head back and whined more.

“Like I’m going to let you get away from that me easy Lisichka,” I could hear the smirk in his voice.

He continued to get dressed, despite my active protests that I could be his sugar mama and he could just live with me. Piotr just chuckled. Before he stepped into the elevator, he gave me one last heated kiss goodbye.


	4. A Lot You Aren't Expecting

Piotr hated Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children for two reasons. 

One - it had nothing to do with a religious women order or being a school. It was a bar for mercenaries. Though Piotr was a bit resigned to what you did for money, he still didn’t like the overarching profession. He had to enter the bar in defense mode. He couldn’t not be on edge in this place. For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why you liked it there. It always smelled like cheap, stale beer and unwashed men.

Two - It was no place for his pregnant fiancée. You were seven months pregnant and still trying to go on jobs. That topic was actually your first argument. It was really your only argument you got into as a couple. Not only was he extremely anxious about your own safety after your first meeting. He now struggled to reign in his overprotective attitude towards your unborn child. 

When you’d found out about the baby, you’d actually showed up at the mansion. He was just coming back from a training session with Nathan and you were sat at the kitchen island with Yukio and Ellie, showing them some kind of grainy looking picture. 

“Lisichka, I wasn’t expecting to see you,” Piotr smiled, it was nice to have a surprise visit. It was also nice to see that you seemed to get along with his trainees.

After that first weekend together, he’d made extra efforts to show his feeling for you were more than sexual. Piotr was certain he loved you. You were quickly invading every part of his life. You listened to him vent about his problems, always understanding. You encouraged him in his art and always checked in when he went on missions. You seemed to worry about him as much as he worried about you.

“Oh, there is probably a lot you aren’t expecting. But that’s why they’ve got a book for it.” You pulled a book from the bag next to you and tossed it at him.

“Are you serious?” He stared at the cover of the book, a strangely cut out image of a pregnant woman on the cover.

“As a judge, dude.” You steeled your voice, waiting to see how he would respond to the news. 

With two quick strides, he wrapped his armored arm around you and lifted you off the stool. There were tears in his eyes. He was going to be a father. 

Now, however, he was getting out of his car, about a block away from the old school. He shifted into defense mode and walked to pick you up. From outside the door, he could already hear the very loud rap music you liked. He recognized the song, Money by Cardi B, one of your favorites. You must have commandeered the stereo system. Again. He smiled.

You had only grown more demanding and feisty since being pregnant. You were quick to violence when you weren't given what you wanted. Threatening to kill Wade in more creative ways than he could think of if the Merc got too mouthy.

Except you were never aggressive with him. No, you were putty in hand, though he was just as weak to your requests. Midnight snack demands, more plants for your indoor jungle because they got lonely, extra needy sex, anything you wanted. He'd do whatever to keep you happy. 

"LOOK YOU NAKED MOLE RAT, YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY MY BOSS ASS MAMA PLAYLIST UNTIL I SAY OTHERWISE," you were shouting at the bartender, Weasel.

Piotr smirked. You were facing away from him, a knife pointed at the throat of the appropriately named man. 

"Oh look, it's Kim Possible, what's the sitch?" Wade held up a bloody hand in greeting. 

There was a clear shift in patrons of the bar when they saw him. They would finally be free of your tyranny and bad music.

"Piotr!" You cheered up instantly, the knife slipped back into your special pregnancy cargo pants. 

"Lisichka, we have to go, you have an appointment in an hour."

You'd been having trouble keeping track of appointments lately, both for yourself and for the baby. He did not need Wade bursting into your apartment for a scheduled afternoon tea while he 'fucking your brains out' again. This forgetfulness was one of the reasons you'd been staying more and more at the bar when Piotr wasn't around. You were afraid you'd forget something- like to turn off the stove and pass out from the gas leak. 

He watched you 'definitely not' waddle around the bar to grab your small backpack off the counter. Your extended belly was something you were still getting used to. He loved your belly. The way your body swelled with his child. How your skin stretched beautifully. Piotr had baby-proofed everything in the apartment the moment he noticed you accidentally bumping into things as you adjusted to your new shape. Every corner of the warehouse was covered in soft rounded foam.

You hugged Wade goodbye. He was careful to not get his bloody hand on your shirt or squeeze too hard. Despite his lack of filter and general bloodlust, Piotr had noticed a change in Wade he wasn't expecting. The knowledge on birthing and baby development, the new ozone smell in the bar that used to have more ashtrays than he wanted to count, and new changing stations in the bathrooms were all Wade. 

Piotr took your hand and enjoyed the feeling of a metal band on your finger. He'd asked you to marry him on your one year anniversary because well he was a romantic at heart. Despite your insistence about not needing a ring and that marriage was just a social construct and just because he 'be your baby daddy', he wanted to get married. A way to show the world you were devoting yourselves to each other. Your instant yes, and tears, told him you wanted to be married as well. You had also instantly removed “Single Ladies” from your work playlist.

"You look beautiful this afternoon, Lisichka," he looked down at you, walking slowly towards the car.

"I knew I swiped right on you for a reason," you laughed, squeezing his hand when he shifted out of defense mode.

"I love you, Piotr, and I wouldn't change this for anything," you smiled up at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is all your fault,” You scowled at him, your grip tight enough that he considered going into defense mode.

“You asked me to Lisichka,” Piotr tried to lighten the mood, but the mood of giving birth wasn’t an easy one to deal with.

“I’m never doing this again,” You groaned out answer turned into a scream as you got another contraction.

You’d been in labor for 8 hours already. Sweat was pouring from your forehead and your lips were chapped. Piotr smoothed a cool towel around your face. 

“I can see the head,” the doctor finally declared. “Just two more good pushes and you’ll be done.”

“Fuuuucccckkkkkkk,” You screamed again, bearing down.

“One more push, Lisichka, come on, 110%,” Piotr coached you, knowing that was what you needed to hear.

You screamed again, and then you were done. The doctor had handed your baby over to the nurse so he could take care of you, but your body was already beginning the healing process. There was an echoed sound of gems being placed on a metal tray. The nurse motioned for Piotr to cut the umbilical cord. He nearly fainted when he did. 

The baby entered its own defense mode. Covered in tiny facets of organic crystal, a perfect adorable mix of both you. 

“Why can’t I hear crying? Baby’s are supposed to cry right? Why can’t I hear my baby?” You panicked voice clenched at his heart. 

“I’ve got them Lisichka, don’t worry,” He tried to soothe you while the nurse tried to wipe down the sharp-cornered baby. 

“I need my baby,” You groaned, trying to sit up.

Piotr took the little bundle from the nurse and walked over to the side of the bed. Your eyes nearly popped out when you saw the giant gemstone covered head of the child. However, once they were in your arms, the baby relaxed and shifted out of defense mode. 

“Christ they are going to be fucking handful,” You sniffled, bowing your head to kiss the baby's head.

“They will be just as beautiful as their mother,” Piotr let the tears slip down his face, completely overwhelmed.

The glow surrounding your new family soon evaporated when Wade, Weasel, Dopinder, Nathan, NTW, and Yukio tumbled through the door. Both Piotr and the baby shifted into defense mode on instinct.

“Alright, let’s see my god baby. OMG, you have your own little runestone Hordak!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teeny tiny lil baby in defense mode makes me smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are the only things getting me through lockdown. 💙


End file.
